


Till Sunbeams Find You

by bowtieowl



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Community: kbl-reversebang, Ghosts, M/M, Reverse Big Bang Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 07:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4213125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowtieowl/pseuds/bowtieowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson is dead. He has been for years. Forced to haunt people's dreams he meets Kurt Hummel and he finds himself drawn to the boy, to his hopes and his memories. But being in someone else's head can be a dangerous thing because some nights are darker than others and eventually, all dreams must end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Reversebang challenge for the [freakingpotter](http://freakingpotter.tumblr.com/post/122519613173/this-is-my-accompanying-piece-for-the-amazing>art</a>%20of%20<a%20href=).
> 
> When I saw this glorious piece of art, I had a vague idea that somehow took a life of its own. It was such a privilege for me to write for an artist who is so inspirational and kind and sweet all at once. I signed up for this, then quit writing. When I got the mail to sign up, I was reluctant, but I’m so, so glad I did it. Writing this story brought me a lot of joy and it gave me some of my spark back. I’m very grateful for that. LOOK AT THIS ART! IT’S SO AMAZING! Thanks to everyone who will be reading this. I hope you’ll enjoy the journey. ♥

He's a glowing presence in the dark, the only source of light in a world that is pitch black. 

 

Of course he can see. People. Buildings. Trees. But it's like someone drew only their outline with a few pencil strokes. Everything is made of silhouettes. Nothing is real. 

 

Blaine floats down the rooftop he uses to get away from the ground. Being down there always wears him down, almost as if his own death weighs more heavily on him the closer he gets to the dumpsters where they found his body. It's not like he can get away from them for good. A thousand feet, then there's a pull that drags him back to point zero. The roof of the school is as far as it gets. Sometimes he can even forget up here. Sometimes the rage almost subsides. 

 

"You called me?" Blaine asks when he reaches the young woman who's standing in the parking lot and he knows the answer. Nothing can make him leave the roof except her. 

 

She jumps and turns around, a smile spreading across her face. Blaine would give a lot to be able to see her skin. He has the feeling she sometimes blushes around him. 

 

"I did," she says and nods, "I have work for you, Blainey-Days." 

 

Blaine crosses his arms and shakes his head. Tina Cohen-Chang was the one who ripped him out of his loop. Before her he had to live through his own death again and again and again. He scared off people. They said the school's parking lot was haunted because there was a young man screaming every night at midnight. 

 

They didn't have a clue. Blaine was a fragment, merely a splinter of his own self. Tina gave him consciousness. She broke the circle, freed him from the moment and brought him into the present. 

 

He hates her for that. 

 

"I told you. No more doing your dirty work," Blaine says and he floats over to the birch tree to sit on its lowest branches. "And stop calling me to the dumpsters. It makes me feel bad for days." 

 

Tina trots to the tree and looks up at him. "Don't force me to force you. You'll do as I say or I'll take your light." 

 

She leaves the threat hanging in the air and Blaine feels his defeat leave him. They've been there before. If he refuses to work as Tina's muse, she'll cut him from his own energy, leaving him completely in the dark. It means being trapped in nothingness, unable to see, hear or speak. Minutes turn into days. Days turn into decades. Blaine remembers a conversation with  his dad who told him that Hell is the absence of God. In reality Hell is the absence of everything. 

 

Blaine fears it more than anything and Tina is well aware of that. She looks up at him expectantly, knowing which choice he'll make. 

 

"Fine," he says and the rage turns his light red for a moment. "Who's the target?" 

 

"Kurt Hummel," Tina replies and she pins a picture to the birch tree. "Get me his spark and I'll leave you alone for a couple of years."

 

Curiosity gets the best of him and Blaine floats down to take a look at the boy. If his talent will last for that long, he must be something special. Whatever it is, it's not visible on the picture that shows a boy in a sweater that's too long on a stage that's too big. 

 

"Are you sure about him?" 

 

"Positive," she says. "Most talented boy in town. You screwed up with Rachel Berry, don't screw up with him." 

 

Tina steps close and Blaine feels the need to touch her, feel some of her warmth. He has to battle it down. She would make him suffer for anything like that.

 

"I won't," Blaine promises, his voice a quiet whisper in the dark. "Couple of nights and he'll be mine."


	2. 2

"Kurt?" He doesn't know the voice behind him, but he turns around to a nervous man with a headset and a clipboard. "Kurt Hummel?"

 

Kurt nods, not sure what's going on. "Yes, that's me."

 

"Oh, thank God, I found you." The man dramatically touches his chest before he pets Kurt's shoulder. "Bad news. Rachel Berry got hit by a bus."

 

This is a nightmare. It has to be a nightmare.

 

"Oh my God, is she a-," Kurt starts, but he gets interrupted immediately by Mr. Headset.

 

"By some miracle she was completely unharmed." Typical. Only Rachel would get hit by a bus and then not even break her little toe. "Well, aside from her little toe."

 

Kurt's eyes widen. "She won't be able to perform?"

 

The man shakes his head. Kurt's eyes drift to the stage and then to Sam Evans who's standing on the other side, waiting for his sign. They're supposed to be up in five minutes. Five minutes until Nationals. Five minutes until they get the chance to become heroes. And Rachel Berry was hit by a bus.

 

Mr. Schue appears next to Sam and whispers into his ear. Kurt can see the boy's emotions on his face. Shock, relief, confusion. Then determination. He looks up, straight into Kurt's eyes, and nods.

 

"Me?" Now it's Kurt who touches his chest dramatically. "You want me to sing the duet with you?"

 

There's no chance Sam was able to hear him on the other side of the stage and yet he nods. Time seems to freeze.  Kurt would never ever steal Rachel's spotlight like this. They've become best friends and she deserves it.

 

But… This is an emergency. And his friends need him.  _Sam_  needs him. So Kurt summons all the courage he has left, takes a deep breath and nods back at the boy on the other side of the stage. There's dramatic music in the background, the curtain lifts.

 

None of this is the way they practiced it. It was supposed to be Journey. Kurt still instinctively knows what to do. He strolls out, pure elegance and grace. The music's familiar. This is…

 

"My love," Sam starts and reaches out his hand. Kurt takes it, gets pulled closed. "There's only you, in my life. The only thing that's bright."

 

Kurt remembers that he wanted to sing this song for Finn, but this is even better. Because it's real. And from the look in Sam's eyes, he knows that it means something.

 

They sway, twirl around each other. Then comes the Dianna Ross part and Kurt is killing it. He's so much better than Rachel was when she fell in love with Mr. Schue. Sam's in awe. The audience is cheering. And Kurt keeps dancing, keeps singing for his life until he knows that he touched every heart out there.

 

When they finish, Sam looks into his eyes and they don't kiss, don't repeat Finn and Rachel's mistake, but Sam's lips are forming words. Special words. Three words Kurt's been waiting for all his life.

 

He smiles before he turns to the audience. The spotlight is warm on his skin as he gives a bow. Perfect. This is perfect.

 

Straightening up again Kurt wants to throw the audience a kiss, but suddenly there's silence. There's darkness. Kurt's alone on stage and instead of all the spotlights, there's only one cone of light. Sam is gone too.

 

Kurt frowns. "What's going on?"

 

His voice echoes and then he hears it. One person is clapping their hands.

 

Kurt shields his eyes, but he's still blinded by the light so he steps out of it to look at empty rows. Only one seat is taken. Front row. Right in the middle.

 

The boy has to be around his age, but he looks older, sporting a classy grey suit and a white dress shirt. The only thing that loosens up his stiff attire is the bright red bow tie that's neatly wrapped around his neck.

 

"That was an amazing performance," the stranger says and he all but jumps on the stage, seemingly without any effort. He holds out his hand and smiles. "My name's Blaine."

 

Kurt stares. He's still not sure what's going on. But the other boy seems nice and what's the harm in a handshake? "Kurt."

 

The lights go on around them, but Blaine doesn't seem to be surprised in the slightest. If anything he seems to be amused that Kurt's startled. "You have no idea what's going on, do you?"

 

It's not very comfortable that a stranger can read him this well, but Kurt doesn't see a reason to lie either. He shrugs. "Everything's just strange. My friend got hit by a bus and then I had to sing a duet with Sam and then-"

 

"You let her get hit by a bus?" Blaine asks and he's laughing as if Kurt made a very good joke.

 

"Oh, no. She was hit by a bus. Not by me. Just a bus. And I had to step in." Taking a step back, Kurt crosses his arms. He's starting to get frustrated with the stranger. "But now everyone seems to be gone. Maybe I blacked out or something."

 

"Oh no," Blaine says and he winks. "No black out. This, my friend, is your dream land. And I'm your new best friend."


	3. 3

When Tina sends him, Blaine is free and there's nothing he enjoys more. He floats. No barriers, no boundaries. And when he's with the people he steals from, when he takes from them, then he even sees in color.

 

Kurt Hummel is fast asleep when he enters the bedroom. For now he's just a glowing form in red and yellow, warm and alive, but Blaine knows what it looks like when he smiles, how his cheeks blush and that his eyes are clear and in this sweet spot between green, gray and blue. A little bit like a glass marble. 

 

He gets closer, wraps himself around the boy and lifts him up. It's effortless. The dead feel no weight. 

 

When Blaine touches Kurt's cheek, the yellow lines turn blue and he can feel the boy shiver.

 

"I know it's scary," Blaine says and he lets go, watching Kurt sink back into the pillows, "but it doesn't hurt. And... Maybe you're even better off without it." 

 

Floating just above Kurt, Blaine closes his eyes and sinks down, into Kurt, beyond the flesh and the cells, deep into the part that is true and real. Kurt's soul. 

 

This dream's different. No stage involved. No pretty blond boys either. 

 

Instead there's a woman with strawberry blonde hair, freckled cheeks and kind eyes. She's wearing a polka dot apron. The kitchen is filled with the warm sunlight of a summer afternoon. She's humming a song Blaine doesn't know. It sounds a lot like she's making it up as she goes. Her hands are busy whisking something in a big metal bowl. 

 

"And what's the secret of the world famous Hummel Meringues?" she asks and stops whipping to look at Kurt who's sitting at the counter watching her. 

 

"A hint of vanilla," he answers with pride and he looks blissfully happy. 

 

"That's my boy." The woman touches Kurt's cheek and Blaine's heart aches. There are no secrets in dreams. This is Kurt's mom and she's dead. "Will you get me the vanilla, sweetie?" 

 

Kurt jumps up, eager to help and he goes through the drawers until he finds what his mom wants. Blaine wonders briefly if anyone has such vibrant dreams about him, but he doubts it. You can't live only half a life and have people remember you like that. He hasn't had the chance to love and be loved deeply enough to change someone's life like this. 

 

Blaine rolls his eyes over his own sentiment. No point in being bitter over the past. 

 

He steps into the room and puts a smile on his face. "Hey, what are you up to?" 

 

"Blaine!" Kurt exclaims and his mother is smiling too, almost as if it's the most normal thing in the world that a stranger shows up in her kitchen. "What are you doing here?" 

 

Blaine points at the metal bowl. "Trying the world famous Hummel Meringues, of course. Besides, I've told you I'm your new best friend." 

 

Kurt keeps smiling and points at an empty chair. "Sit down. We've finished a batch earlier." 

 

It's endearing, really. Because this is how dreams work sometimes. It's likely that Kurt didn't dream up the process of two batches of meringue making, especially since he only got the vanilla a moment ago, but within the blink of an eye it has become true for everyone in the room. 

 

"Looks like I have the perfect timing," Blaine says and he sits down, watching Kurt leave the room before he looks at the boy's mother. "You must have loved him." 

 

The woman smiles widely. "He's my sweet prince. I love him dearly, no matter what, and I'm so proud of the person he is." 

 

Blaine's smile falls at that. He's not sure where souls go when people die. He can't remember. But even though he has no doubt that Kurt's mom loves her boy no matter where she is, this isn't real. She's a flicker of a memory and wishful thinking. 

 

Kurt returns with a plate of perfect looking meringues and offers it to Blaine. He forces himself back into a good mood and takes one. Taking a bite he knows that what he tastes is what Kurt remembers, but it doesn't make the sweets any less delicious. They're perfect. And the vanilla really does miracles. 

 

"Good," Blaine says and Kurt beams. "You're talented in a lot of things as it seems." 

 

"It's all from my mom," Kurt explains. "The singing, the baking, even my sense of fashion. That's all her." 

 

"You're doing it for her." Blaine only mumbles the words and Kurt frowns when he can't hear them, but Blaine doesn't repeat himself. It hits him hard. He's not just destroying someone's passion here. He's practically tearing through a heritage. 

 

Kurt joins him on his side of the table and gently touches Blaine's shoulder. So much warmth. All those special shades of colors, it's right there at Blaine's fingertips. And yet, the boy is only worried about him right now. The compassion is seeping. "Blaine? Are you okay?"

 

Is he okay? Weird question. He's dead. 

 

"Yes," he says and lying comes easier than it should. "I should leave, though. Thanks for the meringue."

 

It's clear that Kurt's disappointed he's leaving so early, but Blaine doesn't want to take more from this one. It's better he leaves, continues another night. 

 

"Will I see you again?" Kurt asks and it sounds an awful lot like a goodbye. 

 

Maybe that would be better. But Blaine can't just walk away and never look back. He's too selfish for that and way too afraid of the darkness. 

 

"Don't worry," he says with a smile so fake that Blaine can feel it like a mask on his face. "I'm always only a dream away." 


	4. 4

Kurt sighs as he flops down on the chair, sweating way too hard from not really all that much dancing, his cheeks flushed red from embarrassment and anger. What the hell is wrong with him? 

 

"Maybe this just isn't meant for you," Mr. Schue says and he looks like someone who tries to calm down a hissing cat. 

 

Calming hissing cats doesn't work. 

 

"It is absolutely and inevitably meant for me!" Kurt spits out and he stands up again, his leg screaming. "I didn't choke because I couldn't hit the note. I choked because I twisted my ankle!" 

 

Mr. Schue lifts his hands and he looks like he wants to say something, but waves it away. He sighs, thinks. Then finally he sorts out his thoughts enough to find the words. "Who else wants to try?" 

 

Mercedes' hand shoots up and so does Rachel's. No surprise there. The thing that is surprising is that Tina Cohen-Chang not only raises her hand, but jumps up from her chair. "It's my turn." 

 

All eyes are on her before they wander back to Kurt who is up on his feet now as well. "Excuse me? It's not your turn. It's nobody's turn. It's my part." 

 

Tina ignores him and nods at Brad who just sighs and hits the keys. Music fills the room and Kurt's mouth falls open when Tina starts to sing. Because this? This isn't the girl he knows. She's slaying it. More confident than ever, her voice as strong and on point as Rachel's and her moves are crazy as well. 

 

Kurt's cheeks blush and then he looks at Mr. Schue who is completely in awe. 

 

That's the moment he knows he has lost. 

 

His last moment to shine. His last moment to thrive, to be greater than the boy the world sees in him. Even his friends. They look at him and they see someone who won't  _quite_  make it because he's too special and yet, or so it seems right now, not special enough. 

 

***

 

Nobody notices that he doesn't sing again during practice. Not a single note. Tina's the new star, the vibrant sun of a galaxy that demands to be explored. Westward shift of Orion. Why would anyone care? 

 

He leaves practice with his eyes on the floor and turns down Rachel's offer to accompany her to the new milk shake place at the mall. All Kurt wants to do is to go home and nap and maybe pity himself for a while. Not for a long. Just enough to feel a little bit better. 

 

Sneaking past his dad who gives him his "worried look" again - Kurt has hoped they were past this - he makes his way up to his room and doesn't even cool his ankle before he sprawls out on the bed. He feels like screaming at someone. Or crying. Crying while screaming at someone. Maybe some theatrical scene where he throws a vase with tulips against a door. He wonders briefly who cleans it up when people throw vases in the movies. Because they never show those scenes. The outburst, yes, always like breaking free, like a raging storm of liberty. Nobody ever talks about picking up the pieces. 

 

So Kurt doesn't cry and he doesn't scream. There isn't even a vase around. Instead he just curls up on his bed and closes his eyes. Maybe sleep can fix things. 

 

***

 

He's a tiger. Strong and free. There's prey right in front of him, but Kurt doesn't strike. He just watches.  He knows he could kill. He could tear a life apart, a whole world, but he doesn't have to so he walks the other way and starts to run until the darkness, the thickness of the jungle disappears and the trees turn into bushes before even they open and there's a meadow. The grass is fresh and young, bright green and sparkled with color where flowers grow. 

 

Kurt rolls around a couple of times before he hears something behind him. He stands and there's a hunter, his rifle pointed right at him. 

 

Fear grips him tight and he wants to run. It's so hard not to move. But suddenly there's someone next to him. A boy. And there's a hand digging into his fur. 

 

"Courage," the boy says and smiles. 

 

Blaine. Kurt stiffens and he looks at the hunter. His roar rips through the air and the hunter bursts. What's left are dandelion seeds, hundreds of little wishes flying through the air. 

 

Kurt looks up at Blaine and gently licks over the other boy's hand. 

 

"Yes, I know," Blaine chuckles. "You did great. Brave tiger. Don't let anyone get you down. Ever." 

 

Kurt yawns and tilts his head. 

 

Blaine seems to understand the question because he gives an answer. "Another time. We'll get to talk another time." 

 

***

 

Usually when Kurt dreams of Blaine he wakes up and he feels empty. 

 

Usually it takes him some time to fill the void. 

 

Usually it doesn't work and he feels hollowed out for days. 

 

***

 

This time he wakes up and he smiles. He feels better than he did before he went to sleep. He'll have his moment, he'll be his own sun one day. He'll make the world see. Nothing, nobody will ever be able to knock him down. 

 

***

 

Tina crosses her arms and glares at Blaine. "We had a deal, Anderson." 

 

She shivers slightly when the spirit floats down and wraps himself around her, his face only inches away from hers. 

 

"We didn't have a deal at all," he says. "You gave orders. And this time I chose not to follow. Problem?" 

 

It's rude. And offensive. She will... 

 

With a puffing noise she crosses her arms. It's not like she wants to punish Blaine, but maybe in this case he doesn't leave her a choice. And that's when everything looked so great. During practice she was finally able to show the entire club the talent she had gathered. She was wearing it like a bright and brand new summer dress. 

 

But Tina's not finished. She's on her way, she's almost there, but Kurt still holds too much of himself. He still owns what she wants.

 

Blaine's supposed to change that and instead he does God knows what with him in his dreams, because Tina can feel there was a visit, she can feel that the dead boy's spirit touched Kurt's soul, but there is no treat Blaine brought back. No talent came from this dream and it makes Tina furious. 

 

"Listen, Blaine." She is just about done with his attitude. "It takes a lot of strength to set you free into the dream realm. All I ask in return are the talents of the people on my list. Do you think you can do this?" 

 

"He doesn't deserve it," Blaine replies and the cold tightens around Tina's chest. He's clinging to her. "He doesn't deserve that you steal from him." 

 

"You want to argue with me?" 

 

"Yes." Blaine lets go of her abruptly and floats up, up, up, wrapping himself around the branch of his tree. "I will not take from him anymore." 

 

Tina feels the anger boil up until it spills. "I think what you need is some time off. Have fun, Blaine. Hello darkness, my old friend."

 

She snips her fingers and Blaine's face is suddenly blank. He moans and curls in on himself. Tina knows what she's done. She took his light. She took the light from the world. He's trapped now, trapped now in a feeling of being completely lost and alone. 

 

With a little luck that will make him numb again. Numb enough to bring her what she needs to finally -  _finally_  - be seen. 

 

Turning away from the tree Tina wonders what's so special about Kurt that Blaine disobeys. His spirit is usually too scared to rebel and more than that, she knows that Blaine has his own rage working for her as well. He's the boy with the crazy talent who didn't live long enough to get where he belonged to be. Kurt took some of Blaine's spark. 

 

Tina looks back at Blaine one more time. Vulnerable, lonely, cold and dead. One day - she knows that - one day she'll let him go. She'll be happy. He'll be free. It's what they both deserve. And Kurt is their way to get there. 


	5. 5

Staring into darkness often feels like staring at nothing, but there's a difference. 

 

Nothing is worse.  

 

You can't hear, you can't see, you can't feel. There's nothing but your own heartbeat and if you don't even have that, you start to believe that you're not even there, that you're not real. 

 

Blaine keeps touching his own face. His fingertips trace his eyebrows and glide over his cheeks. His thumb brushes over his lips.

 

If he has a face, then he must exist. Right? He's not the dream of someone who just woke up, leaving him in a place without air or light. 

 

The first time Tina locked him in Blaine thought that counting would help, but it didn't. He thought he heard something when he was somewhere in his ten thousands and he panicked when he realized that he didn't know where to pick it up again. You can get back from being lost, but not when you lose yourself as well. 

 

Now, Blaine just takes it. He curls up, reminds himself ever so often that he's there, and he waits for Tina to come back and bring the light with her again. His light. The thing that makes the world less scary and big. 

 

It feels to last forever this time around. When everything flickers and Blaine can see his hands again, bright blue against the depth of darkness, he barely remembers what it's like not to be afraid. 

 

The girl asks him a simple question. "Are you ready to bring me his talents?" 

 

Blaine nods yes, doesn't say a word and then he feels the restrictions of the spot he haunts lifted. 

 

Freedom. 

 

He floats fast, nothing can hold him. 

 

When he reaches Kurt's room, he's fast asleep. Like the times before Blaine wraps himself around the boy and lifts him up and he hums quietly when he starts to feel the warmth that he usually only gets to see and to observe, a warmth he can never touch. 

 

Blaine breathes out, Kurt shivers and then the worlds slide and click into each other when Blaine sinks into the boy's soul. The room disappears and Blaine stands in the middle of a loft with windows reaching from the floor to the ceiling. 

 

Nothing is there except for Kurt, sitting in front of a sewing machine. 

 

When Blaine gets closer, his steps echo through the room and immediately Kurt turns around to him and smiles. "Blaine!" 

 

He swallows the lump in his throat and nods, returning Kurt's smile. "Hi there. What are you doing?" 

 

Kurt pushes a few buttons and turns a few wheels before he pulls out the fabric from under the needle and lifts it up to show it to Blaine. "It's a dress. Do you want to touch it?" 

 

The dress is deep purple with bright green seams and thin bands of lace that form soft curves even without someone wearing it. The details are barely visible if you don't step closer and take a look. Blaine lets the fabric slide through his fingers and the world suddenly becomes a richer place. He's never felt anything so soft. 

 

"This is amazing, Kurt," he says and he takes his second hand as well just to give his fingers something to explore. "You made this all by yourself?" 

 

Kurt nods. He's obviously happy about Blaine's reaction and he stands up to stand behind him. "I saw a bouquet of purple calla lilies. They were beautiful. When I get married, I want them to be part of the flower decoration and I want the bridesmaids to wear these." 

 

When Blaine looks up, the room has changed. The walls between the windows are no longer empty but full of designs, tiny islands of inspiration. His eyes fall on a sketch of two faceless men holding hands. Their suits don't match, but they compliment each other with their colors and patterns. Surrounding the big sketch there are smaller ones. Costumes and hats, ties and dresses. The one Blaine is holding is there too. 

 

"It's for your wedding." Blaine stares at the dress and then at Kurt who looks him straight in the eyes. Until he met Kurt, blue has been a cold color to Blaine. Now it's as warm as it gets. "But you're so young... I don't understand..." 

 

Kurt shrugs and he looks like he's a little bit embarrassed about his own vision. "You try and create the world you want to live in. Who says you can't start early?" 

 

There's nothing Blaine can hold against that so he just nods. Kurt nods towards the wall and Blaine looks up to see a big comfortable sofa there. It wasn't there a few moments ago, but that's nothing new. They leave the dress on the chair in front of the sewing machine and sit down on the couch, facing each other. It feels important. The questions between them linger and grow until finally Kurt decides to speak up. 

 

"I usually forget what I dream about after a day or two," he says and lifts his arm on the backrest of the couch to rest his head against his hand. "Not anymore. I'm starting to think about you. A lot. Randomly, in the middle of the day. I keep thinking what if. What if the boy from my dreams, the boy from my daydreams... What if he shows up one day?"

 

Blaine's heart aches and he stares at his fingers fumbling with themselves in his lap. "It won't happen." 

 

Kurt shifts, he gets closer and suddenly Blaine's hands are in Kurt's. He stares for a moment longer before he has the courage to meet the other boy's eyes. 

 

"Why not?" Kurt asks. He doesn't sound desperate, but the sadness shines through. 

 

Blaine straightens up and pulls away his hands. He stands up and strolls over to one of the windows. He looks out, but there is no world outside of them. Kurt's dream doesn't go beyond this room. Blaine runs a hand through his hair and his eyes flicker to the sketch on the wall, the one with the two men in their suits. He wonders what it would look like if they had faces. 

 

"Blaine Anderson." Saying his own name is a strange experience. Blaine's never been the kind of person who likes to summon the past. "You can look it up. Maybe you'll find an answer or two." 

 

"Will it raise more questions?" 

 

Kurt's too smart for his own good. Blaine laughs and nods. "Probably, yes. But I'll be back. And maybe I'll explain." 

 

He wants to make his exit when Kurt suddenly jumps up. "Wait!" 

 

"Hm?" 

 

Kurt quickly runs over to him and leans forward to place a small peck on his cheek. "Take care of yourself, Blaine. I'll see you one day. When dreaming ends." 

 

***

 

Tina is furious when he tells her that he once again didn't take any talent from Kurt. 

 

She locks him away without much explanation. 

 

Blaine starts to touch his face.

 

He doesn't count. 

 

Staring at nothing makes you feel like you're not supposed to feel at all. 

 

And still...

 

It's not so bad this time. 

 

Blaine thinks about soft silk and the delicate pattern of bright green lace. 

 

You create the world you want to live in. 

 

If dreams exist, then so does he.


	6. 6

Kurt doesn't believe the results he gets from a brief internet search, so he digs deeper and heads to the library. Nothing changes, though. The newspapers from 20 years ago tell the same story the media archive does online. 

 

Blaine Anderson, a 16-year-old boy, was beaten to death the night of a Sadie Hawkins dance at his high school. Autopsy reports implied that he didn't die immediately. The head injuries weren't the cause of death, but hypothermia. His body was found the next day in a dumpster behind the school. He was identified by his clothes and a pigment disorder located between his neck and his right shoulder blade. His face took too much damage. 

 

Kurt isn't sure when he has started to cry, but when he looks at the picture in front of him, he has to stand up and head out to the hallway to let out the sob that makes it hard for him to breathe. He sinks to the floor and hugs his own legs, torn between mourning this boy who died because of some homophobic assholes who have never been found, and being scared because the only logical explanation is that he's...

 

He's haunted. 

 

By a ghost. 

 

***

 

"I'm telling the truth!" Kurt is glad that sometimes his anger isn't hot, but ice cold. He wouldn't be able to stand flushed cheeks now, even when it's out of anger. "And I'm not crazy." 

 

"Kurt, sweetie," Rachel says and she pets his knee, "we all know that there are things between Heaven and Earth that we can't explain... Like dog senses or why they added a pedophile song to the movie version of Les Mis instead of another ballad for Fantine..."

 

"You're rambling," Tina chimes in. 

 

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, what I'm trying to say is..." She takes Kurt's hand now and has this determined look that makes her look both amazing and crazy. "There are things we might not be able to understand, but there's no such thing as ghosts." 

 

"We're not saying that you're crazy," Tina adds, "just that maybe longing for a boyfriend makes you see things that aren't there." 

 

Kurt is so angry that for a moment, he can't say anything at all. He can't even breathe. Nobody seems to listen to him. "How do you explain it then? That I have recurring dreams of a boy who, as it turns out, died 20 years ago?" 

 

"Maybe you saw something about his case on ID and then your vivid fantasy did the rest." Tina looks utterly unimpressed. "And if the guy's cute, who can blame you?" 

 

Kurt looks from Tina to Rachel and back again. They don't believe him. And how could they? He's not even sure he believes it himself.

 

"Maybe you're right," he mumbles and Tina looks accomplished while Rachel looks relieved. 

 

Rachel's also the one who jumps to her feet. "I think this calls for ice cream and Ghost. Nothing is better to soothe the nerves than a Patrick Swayze movie." 

 

They settle in and eat ice cream. Kurt starts to cry a couple of times during the movie and Rachel puts her arm around his shoulders to comfort him. She doesn't know that it's not about Sam and Molly, but about a young boy who had to freeze to death in a dumpster because people didn't understand that love is love and love is always right. 

 

***

 

That night when Blaine comes to visit Kurt in his dreams they're in a poorly lit parking lot. There are no cars standing around and they're alone. Kurt doesn't say a word when Blaine's eyes are fixed on the dumpsters that stand a few feet away from them. 

 

It's Blaine who breaks the silence. "So you looked it up." 

 

Kurt nods. "Yes, I did. I don't understand it, though. What it means. And what is real." 

 

Blaine finally turns towards him and he hugs himself. It's not cold, but the boy shivers. Kurt immediately slips out of his jacket and puts it around Blaine's shoulders. 

 

"Compassion, huh?" Blaine asks and he sounds bitter. It's not like him. "That's a talent of yours too?" 

 

"What?" 

 

"Nothing. Forget it." Blaine wraps Kurt's jacket tighter around him. "Can we go somewhere else?" 

 

"Of course," Kurt says and his eyes fall on the dumpsters one last time before they leave the parking lot. 

 

They only walk down the road a couple of minutes before they reach the Lima Bean. Kurt tries not to question how Lima and Westerville are somehow the same thing. He opens the door for Blaine who slips inside and neither of them questions why the coffee shop is empty. It's a dream. All of it is just a dream. 

 

There are two coffee cups waiting for them on a table together with a plate of cookies. Blaine sits down and immediately reaches for one, taking a bite even before he sips from his coffee.

 

"I miss cookies," he explains and Kurt tries not to feel too bad. "Cookies and coffee and tuna salad. I loved tuna salad." 

 

"So it's true. You're dead. You're a ghost." 

 

"Spirit," Blaine says and he puts the rest of the cookie into his mouth before he reaches for a second one. "Ghosts aren't conscious thinking entities. But I suppose for all intents and purposes you could call me a ghost." 

 

There is no logical explanation why Kurt isn't freaking out. Part of him thinks it's because it's a dream. Even the things that feel real don't have to make sense. "You were killed?" 

 

Something dark blends into the warm color of Blaine's eyes. A shadow that might have been there before, even when Kurt hasn't noticed it. "Today they call it hate crime. Back then people said I had it coming. When the sin is love then loving the sinner makes you sinful. Or at least I think that's their logic." 

 

Kurt can't help himself. He reaches out and takes Blaine's hand. "I'm so sorry." 

 

They have a moment. 

 

The touch is warm and soft and gentle. 

 

Then Blaine pulls away his hand. "Don't be. It happened a long time ago." 

 

"And ever since you..." Kurt can't finish the question because he doesn't even know what it is that Blaine is doing. 

 

"Only for the past year or so." Blaine puts down the rest of his cookie and he frowns, seemingly trying to remember something. "I don't know where I was before that. And there were other times too, years ago. But I don't really remember those either." 

 

With every answer, Kurt has more questions. The problem is that dreams are short. They are way too short. 

 

"Why are you haunting me?" 

 

Blaine's eyes widen now. Blind panic. Fear. "Not my story to tell." 

 

There is something wrong about that. Kurt can feel it. There is a cold resonating with his soul. "Are you evil?" 

 

Their eyes meet and suddenly the room flickers. The coffee shop disappears, so does the table between them. Kurt is floating in the darkness and across from him Blaine, the boy, has vanished. Instead of him there's a bright blue creature who has Blaine's features, but is entirely made of light. The glow isn't steady. It's pulsating. Like a heart beat. 

 

Kurt knows, he can feel it, that this isn't his dream anymore. This isn't his world. It's Blaine's. 

 

"I'm a nightmare, Kurt," the creature says and his voice sounds so much like Blaine it hurts. "The kind that lingers when you wake up. The kind that stays with you. The kind that takes your light." 

 

Panic rises inside of his chest and then several things are happening all at once. He's running, but he can't move. He's falling and there's no ground. He's screaming, but there is no sound. 

 

When the fear boils up, it rips through him. It tears the darkness around him apart and Kurt wakes up. Instinct makes him reach for the lamp on his nightstand and the room fills with light. Everything is normal. Everything aside from the blue light next to the window that flickers twice and disappears. 


	7. 7

Exposing people to the truth can sometimes be a scary thing. Blaine knows that better than anyone. Because now that the truth is out, he can feel Kurt's dreams slip into darkness almost every night. Blaine has to push them into the light. Talent rarely ever grows on fear and Tina wants results.

 

It's not easy, though. One time Kurt walks down what looks like the hallway of a hotel and when Blaine appears, the lights dim and after every corner the hallway starts over again. An endless loop. There's another time where they stand in front of the dumpsters once again. Blaine wants to say something and this time Kurt actually looks at him, but before anything can happen two people in red letterman jackets appear and beat the living crap out of Kurt.

 

There are always good days between one nightmare and the other, but Blaine doesn't show himself in those nights. The world Kurt's soul draws remains without dimensions or light. Blaine sees sketches of flowers Kurt smells on, he sees him in a cheerleader uniform and one time feeding pigeons in a park. He can take a little from those nights, but nothing that will last. Nothing that can't be replaced.

 

And then, when Blaine tries to show himself again, he ends up getting trapped in a nightmare for the third time in a row. This time he's the passenger next to Kurt's mom who hums another made up melody before she turns around to Kurt. There are two versions of the boy.

 

A child who's braiding three different scarves together, deep in his thoughts.

 

A young man who is pale and stares directly at Blaine.

 

Mrs. Hummel smiles at both of them and Blaine frowns. He doesn't know what it means until there's a shadow and then suddenly something slamming into the car.

 

One blink of an eye, one heartbeat and Blaine and Kurt go down a hospital hallway next to each other. They go around the corner and the hallway start over again. And just like that, Blaine understands it, because he's not only in Kurt's world, he's part of it. There's this child and every time he thinks he has found the right corner it turns out to be just the beginning of another path he has to go. Kurt is lost.

 

"Is that what you felt like when she died?" Blaine's voice is quiet. Those are the first words he has said to Kurt in days.

 

Kurt just nods. "I slipped away when the doctor left and the nurse told me she'd get me candy. I wanted to find my mom."

 

"Did you see her again?"

 

"No," Kurt says and now he stops. Down the hallway there's a man who take off his baseball cap to rub his balding head. Blaine tilts his head. Kurt's dad. "They told him that I was lucky. That it's a miracle I survived the accident."

 

What is Blaine supposed to say to that? Maybe the truth. What he feels, what Kurt feels. "You've never considered yourself lucky."

 

Kurt watches his dad sit down and cry and then at the very end of the hallway a scared boy peeks around the corner, shrieks and runs into Mr. Hummel's arms. Meanwhile the young man next to Blaine turns away and smiles sadly. "I always thought that maybe I'm like Harry Potter. That it was her love that kept me alive."

 

"That's sweet," Blaine says and just for a second the darkness and the cold between them lifts.

 

"You think so?" Kurt asks and then he looks right at Blaine again. "Because sometimes I think she still does that. And that maybe our guardian angels are those who had to leave us. That they watch over us."

 

There's something in Kurt's voice that trembles and Blaine feels his heart break. Because he can see now how Kurt has expected him to be like that. A guardian angel.

 

***

Blaine takes a talent with him that night.

 

It's faith.

 

Kurt doesn't know he has that gift until it's gone.

 

***

 

When Tina takes in what Blaine brings her, she gets that glow. It has become stronger over the past couple of weeks and she's slowly reaching a point where people turn their heads when she enters a room. She has a presence. People can feel it.

 

Blaine can only assume that she's happy. And to be honest, it has become easier for him too. He should have never allowed a living soul to get close to him. It's painful. They tell that love conquers all, that it makes life more bearable. And maybe that's true, but it makes death a living hell. Friendship, trust, even that feeling you get from smiling at someone, it makes the darkness darker and the cold colder.

 

Floating down, almost all the way to the ground, Blaine circles Tina twice before he crosses his arms. "He doesn't have much more to give."

 

"Oh, yes. He does," Tina replies and the corners of her lips curl up, but it looks so cold that it can't be called a smile. "The greatest gift of all."

 

Blaine shakes his head. "I can't take that. You know it's impossible."

 

"Tell me, Big B," she just says and she pats his cheeks, "when were you gonna tell me that you let him in on your little secret?"

 

He flickers, almost faints. "What are you doing?"

 

Tina, who usually looks like a ray of sunshine, turns into a tiny goddess of rage. In reality her muscles tense. In Blaine's world she turns into a fiery gold. "You're a pathetic excuse for something whole, Blaine Anderson. A  _fragment_  of a soul. Did you really think that he could make you more real?"

 

There's a hot panic rising inside of Blaine. Tina has a point. And he's never even seen it that way. He thought that maybe if Kurt knew about him, they would get closer. That he would feel alive again. Instead he had to walk through his own nightmare, experiencing his own fear on top of Kurt's pity. It almost broke him. He's become vengeful since the dream of the dumpsters. Vengeful and bitter. And he can't quite explain it.

 

"I've given you everything he has." Blaine's words are a plea. "And you have so much already. Don't take this."

 

He doesn't expect anything in particular, but what Tina tells him next is something he wouldn't have even imagined. "Bring me love, Blaine. And I will set you free. Think about it. Light. Color. Real feelings, not second hand emotions from someone else's mind. It can happen. His soul for yours."

 

***

Years after his death Blaine learns what it means to be a restless spirit.

 

***

The next night when Blaine enters Kurt room, he swallows even the shadows until it's pitch black. The only thing that remains from reality is his own glowing blue and Kurt's already fainting red. There's not much left of the brightness Blaine remembers from the first time he saw the boy.

 

He lifts him up, holds him close. Kurt's lips part when Blaine strokes his cheek.

 

"Please believe me," Blaine whispers even when Kurt can't hear him, "that I don't want to do this. There's no pleasure involved."

 

He sinks, deeper and deeper, through every door of Kurt's mind until he finds the threads to weave fantasies and dreams. He tugs and pulls and ties the strands together until a world forms around him. Something perfect. Something magical. Sunlight that streams through the glass roof. White stairs. Hand forged railings.

 

Blaine is waiting at the end of the staircase. The people who pass him by are happy and lighthearted.

 

It's a safe place.

 

Blaine's heart skips a beat when Kurt appears. Their eyes meet immediately. "Hello, Kurt."

 

"Blaine," the other boy says and quickly runs down the stairs before he looks around again. "Where are we?"

 

"It's a safe place," Blaine echoes his own thoughts from moments before. "You're safe here."

 

Kurt pounces him, hugs him tightly.

 

Blaine feels like screaming.

 

He's about to commit the worst crime of all.


	8. 8

Sometimes dreams feel like they last for only a heartbeat before they are over. Sometimes it's a whole lifetime. People slip into them the way they slip into set roles. It's magical. It's intense. 

 

Kurt falls in love dream by dream. 

 

Moments that last only a heartbeat. 

 

Lifetimes. 

 

***

 

They stand in the middle of a crowded hall. The floor is made of rich brown wood. It shines in the sparkling light of the big chandeliers. The women are wearing expensive dresses that make them look even prettier than usually. The men are all in tuxedos or smokings. Kurt can't spot a single piece of clothing that isn't perfectly tailored. There are a few faces that look familiar, but nobody really catches his attention until they all move towards the wall and leave the dance floor empty. Only Kurt is standing there. Then the wings of the door at the far end of the room open and Kurt's heart skips a beat when it's Blaine who walks towards him. 

 

Music fills the room, violins at first, then a whole orchestra. Kurt looks around to maybe make out the source of the music, but it's like the room itself is playing for them. 

 

Blaine steps closer, smiles and holds out his hand. "May I have this dance?" 

 

Kurt feels his heart flutter like a small bird that needs to test its wings. He is smiling and he knows he's blushing, but he doesn't want to embarrass himself, so he tilts his head a little and takes Blaine's hand. "Why, of course. This one and every other one if you like." 

 

Blaine pulls him close and starts to dance. It's true what they say. When you find a man who's a good lead, dancing feels like flying. 

 

Kurt falls into the feeling. It's a rush. A waltz that makes his head spin. Or maybe it's not his head, but the room and the people around him. Kurt notices how they applaud them, how they smile, how they're happy that Kurt is dancing. 

 

Their bodies are pressed together, Blaine's hand is on Kurt's back and keeps him close. It's perfect. It's a dance. 

 

***

 

They are lying on the beach and look at the stars. Ever so often a wave doesn't just lazily roll forward and pull back but grumbles and splashes against their toes. It makes Blaine giggle every time and Kurt can feel his heart swell. 

 

"I liked it better when I didn't know that stars are suns," Kurt admits and Blaine props himself up on his elbows, a half curious, half amused smile on his lips. 

 

"What did you think they were?" he asks and the tone in his voice makes Kurt feel like he can be honest. He won't be judged. Well, maybe he'll be judged, but only in fondness. 

 

He sits up and starts to draw circles in the sand. "Souls. It's cheesy, I know. But my grandma told me that when someone dies their soul gets wings. Angels, you know? And the best people get sparkling wings." 

 

Blaine just looks at him and suddenly there's so much sadness in his eyes. It's like a crack in reality and Kurt suddenly remembers that this isn't real. What happened to Blaine. 

 

"It's okay," Blaine says as if he could read Kurt's thoughts. His voice is hoarse, the words, as small as they are, heavier than they should be. 

 

"It's just a silly thought." Kurt tries to fix it. To brush it off. His grandmother told a child a cute story. "It's nothing." 

 

"It's not silly and it's not nothing." Blaine sounds a lot more sure now and he reaches for Kurt's hand. "I think it's a wonderful idea. And now I'm sad I don't have wings." 

 

***

 

They take a walk in the woods. Blaine takes Kurt's hand.

 

***

 

They are on a boat. Something fancy and good looking, but not modern enough to be a yacht. Something Kevin Costner would want in Message in a Bottle. 

 

Kurt's fingers press against the skin of his nose and he hisses when he confirms his suspicions. The skin is hot and it hurts. "I burned my skin." 

 

His voice is high and whiny, but he doesn't realize that until Blaine chuckles and steps closer, obviously amused. "Don't touch it. Wait a sec." 

 

He disappears under the deck and Kurt squints his eyes. He tries not to be jealous that his husband doesn't get sunburns at all. 

 

A heartbeat. A moment of clarity. Husband? 

 

Kurt looks down at his hand with a frown and finds a simple gold band. Husband. 

 

A dream. It's just a dream. But God, Kurt takes it all in. Because when he wakes up again, he'll be the boy who's waiting in vain once more. 

 

Blaine comes back, a fleshy plant in his hand and the lucidity vanishes when Kurt starts to laugh. "Is that an aloe vera?" 

 

"Aloe very," Blaine says and winks and he's so proud of his own terrible pun that Kurt has to smile as well. "Now let's work some magic." 

 

Kurt lifts his eyebrows as Blaine takes out a knife and cuts off one of the leaves. His muscles flex while he's doing it and Kurt decides that he's not jealous over the tan at all. He's actually rather fond of it. 

 

A moment later he's proud that the redness the sun has burned into his skin makes it impossible to see that he's blushing because Blaine pulls apart the leaf and squeezes out the sticky juice when he's only inches apart from Kurt. The juice is kind of gross, really. But only until Blaine's fingers touch his nose and rub it in. It's cold and even though it's still sticky, it soothes his skin. 

 

"You're amazing," Kurt whispers. 

 

Blaine grins. "The plant is. But thank you nonetheless." 

 

They stare into each other's eyes for a moment until the wind makes their sails blow and Blaine quickly gets to work to keep the boat on course. Kurt stares down at his ring again.

 

 

He could get used to that. 

 

***

 

Rachel stomps into the room that looks a lot like Kurt's kitchen. But bigger and with more light. "You!" 

 

She points at Kurt as she stomps towards him. Eventually her finger pokes his chest. She's fuming. 

 

"What's wrong?" Blaine asks, coming in from the other room and Kurt stares at him. He has no idea what's going in. 

 

Rachel seems to have a pretty clear idea, though. She's pointing at Blaine now. "AND YOU!" 

 

Blaine lifts his arms in defense. "What have I done?" 

 

"Is it true that you chose QUINN FABRAY to be your surrogate?" She straightens up and takes in a breath, letting it out again through pursed lips as if she has to calm herself down. "I'm mad. Mad on behalf of my genes."

 

Kurt feels awkward and not only because he remembers from one second to the other that they will be parents. Blaine seems not to be phased though. He just leans forward and pecks Rachel's cheek. "The next one? Is that a deal?" 

 

And much to Kurt's surprise Rachel Berry starts to grin and throws her arms around them both to pull them into a hug. It's surreal. "Yes! It's a deal." 

 

"Good," Blaine tries to say through his laugh. "I'm glad." 

 

Rachel pulls back and now she's glaring again. This time Kurt expects the finger poke. "If it's a girl her second name will be Rachel. Not negotiable." 

 

***

 

Blaine is a tree. And Kurt is flying. He's so small that the wind can carry him. A bird. He's a bird. 

 

He flutters, chirps.

 

It's pure joy.

 

Then there's a shadow falling over him and Kurt's suddenly scared.

 

It's pure panic. Something will get him, will catch him. 

 

He tries to fly faster, tries to reach the tree because it means that he can hide, that he can be safe. 

 

The shadow grows bigger, darker. Whatever is above him is so, so close. 

 

Kurt pushes forward against the wind, his heart beating so fast that his chest starts to hurt. He thrashes against the leaves of the tree and breaks through them, almost hitting a group of twigs before he makes a sharp turn and lets himself fall a few feet, twirling to his left to slip between the trunk and a branch before he finds a good place to land. His heart is still racing, but everything is quiet. 

 

There's just the wind that makes the leaves move. 

 

Almost like the tree is whistling. 

 

Whatever was after Kurt can't reach him here. 

 

He's safe. 

 

***

 

There are so many nights.

 

Kurt stops to count. 

 

He's always happy. 

 

***

 

They stand in front of the dumpsters. Blaine looks smaller than usually. The first time they met, Kurt didn't realize how young the other boy looked, how small he was. Now it's pretty obvious. Blaine's shoulders are slumping and his eyes are shining with tears. 

 

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks and he slips his hand into Blaine's. 

 

It seems to wake the other boy out of his trance and he blinks, turning his head to stare at Kurt. "Usually nobody cares." 

 

"I do," Kurt insists and he gives Blaine's hand a tiny squeeze. It's not very bold. But it feels like it's the most courageous thing he's ever done. "I care about you." 

 

Blaine turns around fully at that and takes Kurt's other hand. The dumpsters disappear and when he looks around Kurt sees nothing but darkness. It should probably scare him, but it's not like before. The nothingness isn't pitch black. It's more like a twilight, glowing with warmth and the faint memory of light. 

 

It's a feeling. 

 

When you're really sad and a friend gives you a hug. 

 

"I was really scared of this place," Blaine whispers and the glow around him flickers. It turns blue and Kurt feels a cool breeze of air before the warm glow is back. "Fear is what makes it unbearable. But spending more time with you..." 

 

Kurt knows that Blaine isn't finished so he just tilts his head and smiles encouragingly. "Yes?" 

 

"Sometimes a place owns you." Blaine licks his lip and steps a little bit closer. "It can close in around you or it can blow itself up to the point where you're just a tiny black spot lost in the middle. You made the difference between being owned by this place and owning this place. It's mine now. And it can't hurt me." 

 

There's a moment. When you know that something is right in front of you and it's yours to take, but you're so scared that it's not real, that it's just a dream. So you don't touch it. 

 

Kurt breathes in, but the air doesn't reach his stomach. It stays flat, somewhere between his throat and his heart. "What are you saying?" 

 

Feeling that Blaine's hands slip out of his own Kurt wants to protest, but then he feels the most gentle of touches on his waist. Blaine steps closer. Closer. Their bodies are pressed together. Kurt looks down and he stops breathing altogether when he realizes that they're not wearing clothes. 

 

It's just them. Just two boys in the warm presence of each other, holding onto each other, feeling each other. Blaine starts to sway and Kurt closes his eyes. He likes what it's like to have Blaine's skin slide over his own with ever tiny movement. Maybe there should be embarrassment involved or shyness, awkwardness, hesitation. But Kurt feels none of that. He just enjoys it, takes it in. It's a memory he wants to bottle up and keep it forever. Maybe five or six decades from now he'll think back and drink it up, feeling exactly like this again. 

 

"What are you saying?" Kurt repeats, just to say something,  _anything_ , when Blaine buries his face in the curve of his neck. It's so intimate. So precious. "Blaine..." 

 

Blaine places the smallest kiss on his skin and Kurt smiles because it tickles a little bit. It's perfect. And then the whole world stops because Blaine starts to sing. "Stars shining bright above you... Night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'. Birds singing in the sycamore trees.... Dream a little dream of me." 

 

Kurt joins in. It feels like the most natural thing in the world. The air around them is vibrating as they slowly dance and the darkness fades until they're surrounded by oranges and yellows and reds. 

 

"The light matches your eye color," Kurt jokes as he pulls away to take a look around. He's babbling. And it's really only because the moment feels so heavy and important that he can barely find his way through it. He knows it's silly. It's so silly. 

 

But Blaine doesn't roll his eyes. He just smiles and leans forward to press their lips together. Kurt can feel Blaine's hand on his neck. Their lips part. His lower lip gets caught between teeth. A gentle tug. A low rumble. Blaine's tongue nudging his own. A sigh. 

 

When the kiss is over everything is suddenly right. All the fantasies are real. Every tune is written in major keys. The stories have happy endings. 

 

Blaine has this look. Misty-eyed and happy. The corners of his lips are slightly curled up and Kurt is about to place a kiss there when Blaine says it. "I love you."

 

There's a moment. When you know that something is right in front of you and it's yours to take, but you're so scared that it's not real, that it's just a dream. Kurt reaches out. He touches it. They own this place. 

 

"I love you too." 

 

***

 

The light fades. 

 

The darkness rises. 

 

The walls close in around them.

 

Something inside of Kurt gets pulled. Hard. Fast. He gets yanked forward. Something inside of him snaps and he crumbles to the ground. 

 

Blaine is right in front of him, in the darkness. A blue light, so cold it burns. He reaches forward, touches Kurt's cheek. Something inside of him gets torn out. Kurt is screaming and when the pain stops, there's nothing. He's hollow. Lost inside of himself. 

 

"What did you do?" he asks quietly. 

 

"You fell," Blaine says. And then. "I've never promised to catch you." 


	9. 9

When Blaine pulls back to let his carefully created world of dreams dissolve once and for all, he finds Kurt staring at him with empty eyes. The boy in front of him blinks a couple of times and a tear is falling. It's a last remainder of a lost battle. Because Kurt can't feel anymore. Blaine took that away. 

 

He leaves the room, leaves Kurt behind without a second glance. He doesn't want to admit that the reason he can't look back is because he won't see any more warmth. Kurt is drawn in grey and black and white. 

 

Blaine floats. It takes him longer than usually and when he finally reaches his dumpsters, Tina is already waiting for him. 

 

"Do you have it?" she asks and her impatience is written not just all over her face but into her posture as well. She's all crossed arms and glaring eyes. 

 

All those feelings, all of Kurt's passion and his love is hidden away. Blaine carries it with him, ready to hand it over, but he can't. "Not yet."

 

Not yet. Because Blaine's not ready to say goodbye. 

 

Tina huffs and stomps off. She won't allow this to continue for much longer, but that doesn't keep Blaine from stalling. 

 

He returns a couple of nights, always finds Kurt lying in his bed with his eyes open. It takes the boy hours to fall asleep and Blaine always waits patiently, guilt gnawing him away hour by hour. 

 

Whenever he steps into a dream, he finds nothing. Kurt is walking through streets that are grey and black, the noise of it like a snow storm. Sometimes there are colors. Little sparks. Red shoes or a green umbrella. One time Blaine sees a yellow rain coat. Kurt must know of those colors, because it's his world, he must feel them. But whenever he turns around, they fade away and Kurt looks sadder than ever. 

 

The days trickle by. Tina's rage is demanding. She locks Blaine away for God knows how long at some point. When he comes out he feels like he's not real. The despair of it is so overwhelming that he tries to cling to the tree, to its branches, the sound of wind in its leaves, the memories of the translucent green and solid brown. But he can barely remember all those things and to him it's faint strokes of those colors. Faint lines in an all consuming black. 

 

Tina tells him to do his job, to finally get it over with. 

 

So Blaine returns, knowing that it's going to be the last time. He can't do it anymore. Kurt is lost and there is no point in losing himself too. He slips into the room, waits for Kurt to fall asleep, sinks into his dream. Once again, it's grey, but more peaceful than usually. And Blaine is grateful for that. It's gonna be hard enough as it is. 

 

***

 

Kurt is sitting on a beach. The waves are crashing against the rocks that frame the bay while they lazily even out the sand in front of Kurt. How something so soft can be so forceful is something that has always been a mystery to Blaine. 

 

He steps closer to Kurt and sits down next to him. They don't look at each other for a few minutes. They just look at the water, lost in silence. When Blaine turns his head, he sees the goosebumps on Kurt's arms and he quickly slips out of his cardigan to wrap it around the other boy's shoulder. "Here. That's better." 

 

Kurt snuggles deeper into the fabric, but he still doesn't look at Blaine. "It's like being asleep even when you're awake. So you wonder what's the point in even keeping your eyes open, but as soon as you close them, you feel how restless you are and that there's no peace for you. Not now. Not ever." 

 

Blaine wants to say something encouraging in return. That things will get better. His lips part, but he quickly smacks them together again. Things won't get better. He took that away. "I'm so, so sorry." 

 

Now Kurt looks at him and Blaine expects tears, but finds none. Just a grey that was once blue. Stars and galaxies. Eyes that are marbles. Memories for days to come. It's terrifying and beautiful and Blaine drops his eyes, but only for a moment before he feels Kurt's hand nudge against his chin. 

 

It's the least he can do. To look into the eyes of the boy he destroyed. 

 

"Why did you do it, Blaine?" 

 

There is no accusation in Kurt's question. Just a sadness. A deep, wide sadness. "Because she wants to lock me away..." 

 

Blaine's almost crying. He hasn't realized. 

 

"Who?" Kurt asks. "Where? And why?" 

 

"Tina." Blaine feels like a traitor, which is ironic considering he has no loyalties. He doesn't even know if it's Tina he's betraying or Kurt. "If I don't give her what she needs, those precious parts of you, the talents, the light, the fire... She'll trap me in that darkness and I can't stay there, Kurt. I can't. I'll lose everything. I'll lose myself. It's happened before and she... She wants to set me free. She wants to make sure I can go, leave this place and be  _whole_  again." 

 

Blaine has haunted people for a while. He has seen a lot reaping talents for Tina. He's barely ever surprised. But Kurt Hummel does it. Kurt Hummel smiles. Because and despite. He smiles and he nods.

 

"You deserve to be whole," Kurt says and Blaine's heart feels ripped open. "But what about me? I deserve it too..." 

 

And that's the truth. That love takes everything from you. There is no part of you that can't be taken away. But love doesn't leave you shattered and broken. Love gives back. Love heals and builds you up and teaches how to walk again. Loves tells you that it's not a weakness to open yourself up, to give yourself away. Love makes courageous. Love makes rich. Love is falling asleep and dreaming, waking up and making those dreams come true. Love is color. Love is light. Love leaves you breathless only to let you breathe a different air for the rest of your life. 

 

Blaine shakes his head and his breath hitches in his throat. He sighs and nods. And then he leans forward to cup Kurt's face and press their lips together. It's soft and gentle, barely a kiss. And it changes everything. 

 

Because Blaine pulls back and says, "I love you." 

 

And Kurt shrugs and smiles and says, "I can't feel it." 

 

***

 

Tina waits for him when he returns. "You look sad, peekaboo." 

 

Blaine doesn't have time for games. "I have what you wanted." 

 

"Good," Tina says and she's grinning from one ear to the other. "Give it to me." 

 

It's a source of light and when Blaine pulls it out, the world around him becomes solid. Only he remains without a body and it's more painful to watch than the sharp lines he's used to. 

 

He stretches out his hand, the glowing orb of Kurt's feelings in his hand when he hesitates. "And you'll make me whole again?" 

 

"I promise," the girl says and then she reaches for what she wants. 

 

The world around Blaine explodes when Tina touches the light. It all disappears in white for a moment before something slams hard against Blaine and he loses his struggle to stay upright. He tumbles to the ground, his head smacking against something solid. The white turns to red, to green. Then everything turns black. 

 

***

 

When Blaine wakes up, things feel different. Most importantly, they  _look_  different. The world around him is real and he is real too. Still without a body, but almost solid on the concrete floor. Translucent, but in color. Like leaves. 

 

Blaine looks up and he laughs when he looks at the tree. It's all there. And it's beautiful. 

 

Tina is standing right in front of him and she looks so satisfied. She has a different glow. 

 

"I promised," she says and she wipes her hands clean of non-existent dirt. "And now you just need to pass over. But I have no idea how that works, so good luck figuring it out." 

 

Blaine stares and stands up. He's taller than Tina, even now that he has the size he had when he was still alive. It's strange how someone so tiny can be so cruel. 

 

Not that he would say that. Because she has still so much power and she can take it all back within a heartbeat. 

 

"Thank you, Tina," he says instead and nods at her politely. "I hope you find what you were looking for." 

 

"I will, Blaine." She pats his shoulder and even though her hand walks through him, the touch feels real. "Good luck." 

 

The nod at each other and then Tina leaves. Blaine watches her walk, through the door of the parking lot, down the road and around the corner. He keeps staring until he's sure she's gone. Then he looks around. Everything looks like he remembers and things are still different. Sharper. Like his memories have blurred the edges. 

 

He smiles and shakes his head. It's over. He's free. And he knows how to pass. There's a pull that's almost physical, willing to lead him away, through a border everyone can only ever step over once. 

 

But he resists. He can't. 

 

Instead he starts walking. And taking steps is so much harder than floating. 

 

***

 

When Blaine steps into Kurt's room it's not yet dark outside. Yet, Kurt is curled up in his bed, staring into thin air until he recognizes Blaine and sits up, his eyes wide. "This isn't a dream.... I'm not asleep." 

 

"It's not," Blaine confirms and he sits down on the edge of the bed. "And you're awake." 

 

"But that means... Are you...?" Kurt reaches out and wants to touch Blaine's hand, but his fingers sink right through him and touch the sheets. "You're..." 

 

"Still a ghost," Blaine says with an amused smile. Their touch tickles. "But not only a fragment anymore. Not just the part that was left. I'm whole again. A soul. I'm myself." 

 

Kurt stares at him and pulls back his hand, pressing it against his chest. "What does it mean?" 

 

Blaine wants to talk. About so many things. All the things. 

 

But there is no point. Kurt isn't himself. There's too much missing. So that's the only thing that matters right now. 

 

"It means," Blaine tries to explain, "that I don't have exactly what I took from you, but I still have other things to offer? And I can't heal the cracks, but I can seal them? And make sure you're okay. That you have a shot at being happy. Because..." 

 

Blaine forgets what he wanted to say because Kurt looks so young and so beautiful. And so, so hurt. 

 

"Because?" Kurt urges him. 

 

"Because you deserve it." Blaine says and he feels lighter than he has when he was just a shadow. "Because I've loved you through every dream and the feeling is still there now that I'm awake." 

 

Kurt doesn't react, but he doesn't have to. It's all going to be fine. 

 

Blaine smiles and then he reaches for that place again that he has been so afraid of for way too long. He finds his own threads, the seams, and he breaks it all apart. He dissolves. Cracks himself open. And with everything he has, he slams himself into Kurt. Barely a human soul anymore, not even a ghost, just determination and love. He latches onto what has been torn apart and seals it. He fills all the cracks until everything that's broken is whole again, until barely anything is left of him, but Kurt feels like Kurt again and everything is all right. 

 

***

 

When it's over, Blaine is gone. Kurt wonders if it has all been just a dream. But he feels different. Alive again. He holds his breath, listening into the quietness of his room, but there's nothing there. So he starts to take deep breaths until he's almost panting and he touches his own heart as he starts to cry. He just lets it happen. He cries for hours until the sun sets and when he falls asleep, it's peaceful.

 

He doesn't dream. 


	10. Epilogue

Kurt calls in sick for a week. His dad is worried and so is Rachel who stops by almost every day. But the truth is that Kurt's just not ready to leave his bedroom. Because maybe Blaine will come back. Maybe what he feels when he searches deep inside himself and finds parts of him that aren't really him doesn't mean that it's all over. 

 

But it is. And Kurt has to realize that and move on. 

 

He goes back to school, starts to work harder again. It distracts him from... Well, frankly from wanting to punch Tina Cohen-Chang in the face. He does some research, but he can't get behind what she did or why she did it. He decides that it doesn't really matter. Just that someone needs to teach this girl that there are things that are acceptable and then there's enslaving dead boys and stealing talents and ruining lives. 

 

The first time they fight for a solo, Tina gets it. Kurt has to sway in the background and he does it, but it only makes him try harder the next time around. His talent feels different. More demanding, but more fragile too. Kurt has never needed people to hear him sing to know that he's a star. Now he does and he knows that it's Blaine, not him. It makes him wish he could have heard the other boy sing. Not in a dream, but in real life. At least once. It also makes him realize that he's carrying out a legacy. He is trying for himself and for Blaine now. So when it finally comes to Nationals he watches Tina audition for the second solo and she's marvelous. And then he steps on the stage and stomps her in the ground.  

 

"How did you do that?" she asks with wide eyes when Kurt walks past her and they both know that she won't be the one singing at Nationals. "You're not supposed to do that..." 

 

Kurt just squares his shoulders. "Talent's not enough, Tina. You have to make it yours too. And you're terrible at that."

 

They don't speak a single word after that. Not in high school. Not after. 

 

Their ways part. Kurt gets into NYADA and lands his first big role on Broadway when he's 27. It's ironic that he falls in love with his understudy, who has kind eyes and an amazing smile. They are crazy about each other for about two years and then their craziness turns into something more solid. One day they just accept that what they have is what you need as a foundation to build a life together. 

 

Kurt Hummel gets married when he's 30. They adopt their first child when they're 35. Life is blissful and perfect and calm. And nobody knows that there is a small part of Kurt's heart that is reserved for someone else and that every day he wakes up he carries around a gift that he thinks he has to cherish with every breath and every heartbeat. And nobody knows that this gift is the reason that he doesn't dream. His nights are peaceful, but dark. And very, very empty. 

 

***

 

There are plans for a 20 years anniversary homecoming ultimate class reunion thing when Kurt's 38. He thinks it's a bit silly, but he looks forward to seeing his dad and watching him play with his grandchild. He also doesn't want to let Rachel down since she's the one who plans the whole thing. So he doesn't even think long about it when he gets the invitation, but calls right away to tell her that he'll be there. 

 

The evening is fun and bittersweet. They talk about old times and drown in nostalgia. It's the way it should be. Kurt keeps an eye out for Tina, but she doesn't show up. It shouldn't bother him, but something about it doesn't feel right, so he starts to dig and when he finds the newspaper article, he feels hot and cold. 

 

Apparently Tina Cohen-Chang didn't live long enough to celebrate her 21st birthday. Her car started to spin out of control when it slipped on an ice road in the middle of November and it crashed against a tree. She was dead on the spot. The newspaper article calls it a tragic accident. Kurt tries hard to be the greater person and not to call it Karma. 

 

The thought bothers him, though. He can't deny that. Because even when this girl did a horrible thing, Kurt is pretty sure that she just wanted to be seen, to be heard and to be loved. And he can understand that maybe better than anyone. He just got lucky and she didn't. 

 

So Kurt buys a bunch of flowers and visits her grave. He leaves a note. Maybe she'll know that he forgives her. And that he hopes she'll find peace. 

 

He visits Blaine's grave as well. Even when there's no point because Kurt knows that Blaine is nowhere. He's gone. Still, it comforts Kurt to stay there for a few hours, just rambling about his life to a dark grey stone with golden letters. 

 

There's a third grave and Kurt leaves red roses there.

 

"Hey mom," he says and kneels down in front of her grave. "I know it's been a while. For some reason I've always been scared to come here. But I thought that I could visit you today and let know that I'm married. I have a family. And I'm happy. And you know what else? I even found the boy of my dreams." 

 

***

 

It becomes a tradition. Every time when Kurt comes home for a holiday or a random visit, he visits his mom and  he visits Blaine. He lets them know about his life, the bad things and the good ones, and every time he leaves their graves, he feels a little bit lighter. He always hums the same tune.  _Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you..._  


 

***

 

The years are passing by. Kurt's children grow up and have children of their own. The impacts of loss get closer. Kurt has to watch his father pass away and some of his friends. It's painful, but the joy of life outweighs and Kurt makes the best of it until his own time comes. It's his husband who holds his hand when he closes his eyes.

 

And for the first time in over six decades, Kurt dreams.

 

***

 

Blaine is sitting on a beach. The sky is blue. Greenish-blue waves crash against the shiny charcoal brown of the rocks that frame the bay. The sand between their feet is white and shimmers golden. Kurt steps closer and sinks down next to the boy who hasn't changed at all. He's wearing red pants and a dark blue cardigan and he's smiling, all scrunched up nose as he's blinking against the sun. 

 

It makes Kurt smile too. 

 

He looks at his own hands and they're those of a young man. It doesn't surprise him. It somehow feels right. 

 

"I was hoping I'd see you again," he admits. "But I really thought I wouldn't." 

 

He shivers when the cool breeze from the ocean brushes over his skin. It doesn't surprise him when Blaine slips out of his cardigan and puts it around Kurt's shoulders. It smells like warmth. That shouldn't be possible, but that's how it is and Kurt snuggles into it, the smell and the fabric alike. 

 

"When Tina died, she set free what didn't belong to her," Blaine says and he looks at Kurt with this spark in his eyes. They're happy. They're both happy. "I borrowed it. But you can have it back, if you want it." 

 

Kurt laughs and playfully lifts his chin. "Hmmm. How about... I keep what's yours and you'll keep what's mine?"

 

"I like that idea." Blaine lowers his voice to a whisper and shifts a little closer. He brings his hand up to clasp Kurt's neck and pulls him in. Their lips meet and their kiss is like a dream, but it's real and it's sweet and they are finally able to make it last forever. Because that's how long it takes for them to pull away again. "Do you want to stay with me?" 

 

"Through every dream," Kurt says and he pulls up his shoulders. He blinks and feels flirtatious and romantic and absolutely amazing. He's young again. He'll be young forever. "Every night. Till dawn." 

 

"I love you," Blaine says. 

 

This time, neither of them holds their breath. There's no fear involved anymore. But there's a lot of forgiveness, a lot of certainty and a lot of whatever it is that makes a soul a soul. 

 

Kurt leans in and rests his head on Blaine's shoulder. There's another wave and Kurt closes his eyes when he hears it splash against solid rock. Their fingers intertwine. "I love you too." 


End file.
